Ok, I know I know. I am a Texas Rangers baseball fan so why am I picking on other Ranger baseball fans. The reason is some of them are bandwagon jumpers that happen to be total D-BAGS. The Rangers have not been winners at all so after a couple of World Series appearances these D-BAG noobs start going to ball games. So this article is for those noobs who want to be part of the experience. In sports there are rules. This article will emphasize baseball’s unwritten rules though they may apply to any sport.
I highly suggest you practice these rules by attending a few semi-pro or minor league games first BEFORE YOU MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! Going to a minor league baseball game is easy. Usually the prices are very reasonable for a family and usually a team may be close to where you live.
Here are a couple of general lists to go by, these may vary depending on your location, please see this and this. These are some of my favorites:
- Give the ball to the kid next to you. When you get to your seat check around for kids. If kids are around watch your language and give them the ball if you get one (unless you have your own kids). Unlike these D-Bags! and never take a ball from a kid A-HOLE!
- Protect the ladies. If you go to the game with your girlfriend don’t bail on them when a ball gets hit at you. This also applies if other ladies/kids are around you.
- If you're lucky enough to get a ball, specially a home run ball feel free to keep it (some restrictions apply, see rule 1). If the other team hit the home run you have option of showing them up by throwing it back. Now if you are at a Chicago Cubs game in Wrigley Field then all Cubs fans are required to throw it back! Bonus points if you can throw it back to home plate.
- Please try to arrive early to watch batting practice. You truly get to see the power and ability of a major league baseball player at bat. Unfortunately depending on the caliber of pitchers that game this may be the only action you see all game long.
- If you are under the age of 12 bring a glove, it’s easier to get a ball and you can protect yourself. If your over the age of 12 you best not bring a glove to a game you sissy. If you can’t catch or throw a ball stay your ass at home.
- Baseball is a game of superstitions. Make sure you familiarize yourself with some of them. For example if your team is losing fold your hat inside out. This is called a “Rally Cap” and it WILL help your team rally to win the game.
- Don’t spill your beer, you get total-man points if you catch-get a ball without spilling your beer, and don't spill someone else's beer!
- If the game is on please wait till the inning is over before going to or leaving from your seat.
- Don’t do a “Steve Bartman” and interfere with the game or you may Catch Hell.
- Other Common “That Guy” Errors:
- I shouldn’t need to say this but I do, remove your hat during the national anthem
- Putting your name on the back of a jersey
- Wearing gear from a team not participating in this ball game
- Requesting change from vendors
- Leaving before the end of the game
- Talking/gossiping about non-ballgame subjects
- Finally, There is no crying in baseball!
Techxmex is a founding contributor of OneManAsylum.com. You can find him on Twitter @techxmex.